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Who
let the balls out?
Good riddance to watching football repeats on television and get your beer cans ready as the English Premier League returns this month.
It takes no Sherlock Holmes to solve this no-brainer mystery. The reason for such abnormal household behaviour (and falling birth rates) is easy to figure. It can only be football. To be more specific, it can only be the English Premier League (EPL). After months of transfer gossip and speculation, Singaporeans are ready to take on sleepless nights, heartbreaks over lost bets and evidently, domestic arguments over the remote control. As Singaporeans eagerly wait for ESPN football channel 23 to come alive (move away, boring golf matches), the question that bugs them the most now is not how Beckham will fare in sunny Madrid, but more interestingly, which club will reign this new season. Urbanwire plays the oracle and prophesies the outcome of the EPL and before you raise that skeptical eyebrow of yours, cross your fingers and count on us for once. After all, we do know our stuff – didn’t we manage to figure the reason for Singapore’s falling birth rates?
The Oracle says: 2nd position
The Oracle says: 15th position
The Oracle says: 10th position
Last season’s 6th position finish was highly unexpected and the future looks promising for the Lancashire club. The Oracle says: 6th position
Or Bolton may have to exorcise the ghosts of its haunted past again. The Oracle says: 17th position
The Oracle says: 12th position
Rome wasn’t built in a day, hence it’ll take time for Chelski [club’s nickname] to gel as a team and form a challenge to the crown. The Oracle says: 5th position
A squad with almost the same players as last season, Everton can only hope to maintain its standards again. The Oracle says: 8th position
The Oracle says: 18th position
Despite the brouhaha, manager Peter Reid will take one step at a time, and perhaps he should try turning to his loyal and talented youth players to stage a revival. The Oracle says: 14th position
The Oracle says: 16th position
The Oracle says: 4th position
The Oracle says: 11th position
Since all is quiet at Highbury, a lack of strong challenger and United’s strong fighting spirit will be enough reasons for just another winning season. The Oracle says: 1st position
The Oracle says: 13th position
With experienced players like Alan Shearer, Laurent Robert and Nolberto Solano leading the young charges, it’ll be another exciting season ahead. The Oracle says: 3rd position
The Oracle says: 19th position
The Oracle says: 9th position
The Oracle says: 7th position
The Oracle says: 20th position |
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Something
amiss will occur in the Singaporean household in mid-August. The husband
will position the couch nearer to the television set, stock up the fridge
with chips and beer, and wear his favourite football club jersey. The
Significant Other will go on frequent shopping sprees with her girlfriends,
have late night suppers with more girlfriends and horror of horrors,
sleep alone late into the night (perhaps a reason for Singapore’s
falling birth rates).
After
losing the title last season to the Red Devils at the last hurdle, Arsene
Wenger is hungry for revenge. However, the London club is cash strapped
to buy new players due to its overly ambitious plan to build a better
stadium. So far, the purchase of goalkeeper Jens Lehmann from Borussia
Dortmund fails to raise any spirits. Perhaps Captain Patrick Vieira’s
recent pledge to stay at Highbury can offer some consolation for a daunting
season ahead. 
With
former Leeds manager David O’Leary at the helm, many predict Villa
to fare much better than its last season disappointing 5th from bottom
finish. New signings include Gavin McCann and Thomas Sorensen, both
from relegated Sunderland. A recent plea by O’Leary to have more
money to buy new players fell on deaf ears from the Villa board. Seems
like the Irish chap has to make do with an old squad, and a similar
disappointing season.
The
capture of English international David Dunn from Blackburn Rovers is
a major boost. French striker Christopher Dugarry stays at City after
his influential loan period last season. Relatively new to the EPL,
the Blues have yet to fire any decent soccer fan’s imagination.
Perhaps this season’s the turning point.
After
winning the title back in 1995, relegating in 1997 and returning to
top flight in 1999, Rovers has gone on an insane roller-coaster ride.
Despite selling star player Damien Duff, manager Graeme Souness has
strengthened the squad with new signings Brett Emerton, Steven Reid,
Vratislav Gresko and Lorenzo Amoruso. 
After
narrowly escaping relegation last season, Bolton is keen to make amends.
Manager Sam Allardyce has signed Kevin Davies and Ivan Campo, 2 new
and over the hill signings that will most likely not make any impact.
The only hope is Nigeria international Jay-Jay Okocha, and the African
gods better ensure Okocha can outshine his outstanding performance last
season. 
The
only significant signing at the Addicks is Matthew Holland from Ipswich,
which may damper manager Alan Curbishley’s efforts to strengthen
the club. The London club can go the distance with their gritty edge
and promising youngsters like Luke Young and Scott Parker. 
New
Russian owner Roman Abramovich went on a shopping trip and bought Damien
Duff, Joe Cole, Veron, Geremi, Wayne Bridge and Glen Johnson, spending
close to UK $60 million. Manager Claudio Ranieri will have a huge task
ahead of rotating his star-studded squad, keeping all egos in check,
and watching his back from any Russian back-stabbing. 
With
an impressive 7th position finish last season, Everton got excited fans
hoping to repeat its glorious days back in the 80s. England striker
Wayne Rooney will continue to fire everyone’s imagination with
his striking prowess.
Something’s
terribly not right at Craven Cottage when rookie manager Chris Coleman
took over from Jean Tigana. And when promising midfielder Sean Davis
handed in his transfer request, any fool can figure Fulham’s indeed
faltering. 
Just
2 seasons ago, the Yorkshire club was flying high in Europe and all
it needed was a season of sackings, gossips and transfers to crash and
burn into a disappointing finish and the financial red. 
After
spending a season in the First Division, the Foxes returned with much
better preparation. Manager Micky Adams has captured several good signings
such as Keith Gillespie and Ben Thatcher, and is determined to survive
in the top flight. And we’re dead sure Adams will sing, “I
Will Survive” when the season ends. 
Liverpool
Will
manager Gerard Houllier drop his direct style-of-play of deploying long
passes for his strikers to hold and strike, to a new tactic in using
the width? The signing of winger Harry Kewell from Leeds seems to indicate
so and it brings cheers to everyone that Liverpool won’t be Liver-bore
anymore. 
If
Keegan’s striking partnership of Nicolas Anelka and Robbie Fowler
starts bagging the goals, a top-table finish for City is favourable.
Replacing Peter Schmeichel with another veteran goalkeeper, David Seaman
will provide the vital experience for an average defence. 
The
sale of David Beckham and Veron, and failure to capture Ronaldinho suggest
another hard-fought season ahead for the defending champion. The arrival
of Eric Djemba Djemba and Kleberson to strengthen United’s midfield
will be the litmus test. Unless Sir Alex Ferguson gets hold of a world-class
striker or attacking midfielder to complement Ruud van Nistelrooy, United
might surrender the title towards the end. 
When
the season begins, the defence will work extra hard without Ugo Ehiogu,
a key defender who has to sit out for several months due to a cruciate
ligament injury. The return of the little man, Juninho will boost the
club’s efforts to maintain a mid-table finish.
It’s
amazing how Sir Bobby Robson has transformed a club that faced relegation
few seasons ago to a talented young team fighting for top honours. The
squad is brimming with potentials like Jermaine Jenas and Jonathan Woodgate.
Newcomer Lee Bowyer will add an extra edge to the Magpies. 
Somebody
tell manager Harry Redknapp that signing has-beens like Teddy Sheringham
and Patrik Berger, and selling influential Paul Merson aren’t
exactly wise moves. It’s back to the drawing board (the First
Division that is) again. 
A
surprise top 10 finish last season, manager Gordon Strachan continues
to build on his success, buying striker Kevin Phillips to partner goal
poacher James Beattie. Hopefully, a top 10 finish this time won’t
be a surprise for the Saints anymore. 
With
an in-depth squad full of talented individuals – Gustavo Poyet,
Simon Davies, Robbie Keane et al – manager Glenn Hoddle went the
distance and purchased rising star Helder Postiga and Frenchman Frederic
Kanoute to boost the star-quotient squad, and improve on last season
9th position finish. 
It’ll
be a long and arduous season for Wolves as they struggle to play with
the giants of EPL. With players like Paul Ince (when will he retire?)
leading the pack of wolves, it’s time for them to get used to
hanging in the basement.